(a work in progress)
1. Slow drivers in the fast lane
2. Cling wrap that refuses to cling
3. Public telephones that don't work
4. Forgetting where you parked your car
5. When your umbrella goes tulip in the pouring rain
6. Hearing the high school marching band practice
7. People who
constantly interrupt
8. When you buy a dozen eggs and one is cracked
9. Pits in the peach pie
10. When someone sits right next to you on an empty bus
11. Not being able to lift the suitcase after you've packed it
12. When your socks fall down into your boots
13. Locking the keys in the car
14. PBS fund-raising drives
15. When the bike chain falls off going uphill
16. Doctors who say, "This won't hurt a bit"
17. Recorded telephone solicitation
18. Bank pens that don't work
19. Wrong numbers at 3:00 am
20. People who clip their nails in public places
21. Rubberneckers
22. When the sugar in the bowl hardens
23. Waiting at home for a delivery
24. Knowing the person sleeping next to you is asleep when you're still awake
25. Anything polyester
26. When the shortest checkout line takes the longest, and you're in it
27. When your alarm clock goes off and it's still dark outside
28. When the temperature won't adjust in the shower
29. Toothpaste tubes squeezed from the middle
30. Squeaky doors or floors when you're trying to be quiet
31. Zippers that get stuck
32. An out of order sign on the only public bathroom around
33. Small, thin books that cost $6.95
34. Newsprint on your hands
35. Hairdressers who do what they want, not what you want them to do
36. People who snap their gum
37. Rental cars that break down
38. When a page is missing from a book you're reading
39. White patent-leather shoes with buckles
40. Brady Bunch reunions
41. Running out of dental floss after you've eaten corn on the cob
42. When your parents forget your birthday
43. Chain letters
44. Coffee or tea from the bottom of the pot/pitcher
45. Oral surgery
46. Sticking to plastic furniture in hot weather
47. Smiley faces
48. Stepping in a slush puddle that looks like solid ice
49. Leaky paper cups
50. Trying to get from one airport terminal to another
51. When you can't find what you want in the refrigerator
52. Five consecutive days of rain
53. Waiting in a long line for a bad movie
54. Buying a new electronic gadget that doesn't work
55. Olivia Newton-John
56. Airplane pilots who announce, "There will be a slight delay, folks"
57. Car inspections
58. Dirty silverware at a restaurant
59. Dentists with bad breath
60. When someone crackles a candy wrapper behind you in a movie theater
61. The end of daylight savings time
62. When your clothes wrinkle before an important meeting/event
63. Getting hit by bird shit
64. Sitting down on wet outdoor furniture
65. An empty roll of toilet paper in the bathroom
66. When bugs eat your garden
67. Oil spills
68. Osama Bin Laden
69. Dripping faucets
70. When it starts to rain 5 minutes after arriving at the beach
71. People who jingle change in their pockets
72. When a sock gets lost in the wash
73. Butter that's too hard to spread
74. Stepping on chewing gum
75. Bank pens on short chains
76. People who forget the punchline
77. Discovering the cheese you wanted to eat is moldy
78. The feel of a motel carpet on bare feet
79. Knowing you're only going to get a few hours of sleep
80. Getting the wrong directions
81. Finishing all of your snacks before the movie starts
82. Hat hair
83. Deciding on new shoes
84. Dentists who expect you to carry on a conversation with a mouthful of novocaine and cotton
85. Stools or chairs with one short leg
86. Getting three copies of the same catalog in the mail
87. Being at a boring party where there's not enough to eat or drink
88. A worm hole in your apple
89. Crowded elevators
90. Having a run of bad luck
91. When the fridge breaks down in midsummer
92. When there's no cream for the coffee
93. When you leave your gas cap off
94. Long winter weekends with nothing to do
95. Trying to move a wheelbarrow that's too full
96. When someone laughs at you
97. Getting lost on winding roads
98. When the neighbor's dog barks every time you pass by
99. The small, sharp piece of lid that the can opener missed
100. Getting a good idea and forgetting it before you write it down
101. When your favorite TV program is canceled for a parade or news update
102. Soggy crackers
103. Realizing you're out of shampoo when you step in the shower
104. Static electricity
105. When performers at live concerts lip-sync
106. The jeans you just bought going on sale a week later
107. Uninvited guests
108. People who don't "get" your jokes
109. Putting on a cold, wet bathing suit
110. Burning your fingers on a hot potato
111. Cleaning up after a party
112. Paper cuts
113. Staples that break apart when you're putting them into the stapler
114. When your favorite shoes get wet and then shrink
115. Knowing you have to go to the dentist
116. Vanna White, author
117. Falling out of a hammock
118. Going to bed when you know you won't fall asleep
119. When the smoke from the grill blows in your face no matter which side you stand on
120. Low-fat cheese
121. Detours
122. Fruit that goes bad two days after you buy it
123. When the wind picks up just after you've finished raking the lawn
124. When the dishwasher doesn't get the gunk out from between the fork tines
125. When the mail carrier delivers your mail to someone else's house or vice versa
126. To
mahto instead of tomato
127. When it's 50 degrees out and cloudy in June
128. People who say, "smile, it can't be that bad"
129. Busy signals
130. Milli Vanilli
131. Scraping your knuckles across the cheese grater
132. Bald babies who wear hair ribbons (around their whole head)
133. Flat soda
134. Sitting on gum
135. Communal dressing rooms
136. Sour milk
137. Restroom doors that don't lock
138. Liver spots
139. Getting stuck with a damp towel after a shower
140. Poison oak
141. The "smile in the voice" of voice-over actors
142. Surprise quizzes
143. Forgetting to take your lens cap off
144. Spam
145. Richard Simmons
146. Wet wool
147. Seat belts that tighten over each bump
148. Waiters who keep asking if you're done
149. Lint balls
150. Hollow chocolate bunnies
151. People who take a REALLY long time at the ATM
152. Mildew
153. Getting a splinter
154. Know-it-alls
155. Having to go through anything with a "fine tooth comb"
156. Banging your shin on a metal bed frame
157. Cleaning the vacuum cleaner bag
158. Ear wax
159. Getting a bad fortune in a fortune cookie
160. Toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe
161. Forgetting to take your name tag off after an orientation or other such event
162. Razor burn
163. Getting soap in your eyes
164. Fever blisters
165. "Non-refundable" deposits
166. Not meeting the carry-on specifications at the airport
167. Getting a tune stuck in your head for the entire day
168. Losing money in a vending machine
169. Dinner companions who can't make up their minds what to order
170. "Lemon fresh" anything
171. No hot water
172. People who snack during phone convos
173. Refolding road maps
174. People who continue to talk to you while the water's running
175. Getting into the car after it's been sitting in the sun all day
176. Popcorn hulls stuck between your teeth
177. Mosquitoes biting in the middle of the night
178. Gunk on the windshield
179. Hair brushes clogged up with hair
180. Early morning construction outside your window
181. Uneven table legs
182. Advertising cards tucked under the windshield wiper
183. Gum stuck under tables
184. Flimsy paper napkins
185. Strollers blocking the aisle
186. Shoppers who bring twelve items to the "ten items or less" express line
187. Rain right after you wash the car
188. When you only have last week's
TV Guide on hand
189. Cotton packed too tightly in aspirin bottles
190. Forgetting to buy garbage bags...
again
191. Sticky movie-theater floors
192. Flattened Junior Mints
193. Dental floss that shreds when you use it
194. People who save every last piece of wrapping paper
195. Elastic bands that break
196. Greasy salt and pepper shakers
197. Junk mail made to look official
198. When the pay channel you DON'T subscribe to is showing the only watchable movie
199. Programming the VCR
200. Used band-aids on the ground
201. People smoking in the "no smoking" area
202. Warm beer
203. Waiting for the delivery of take-out food
204. Men who don't aim
205. Tasteless apples
206. Dryers that eat socks
207. Holidays in the middle of the week
208. Challenging a "wet paint" sign and losing
209. Nondairy spreads
210. Picture frames that won't stay level
211. Forgetting your sunglasses
212. A really good movie/TV show episode followed by the words: "to be continued"
213. One person on duty during lunch hour at the post office
214. Spider veins
215. When the hole in your socks is too big to ignore
216. Putting something "in a safe place" and never finding it again
217. People who won't take a hint
218. Having an itch where you can't scratch in public
219. Leather furniture that makes embarrassing sounds
220. Getting off a mailing list
221. Friends who cancel at the last minute
222. People who just don't listen
223. Having to resort to instruction manuals
224. Defrosting the windshield
225. Congealed ketchup stuck in the neck of the bottle
226. A flat tire
227. Allowing 4-6 weeks for delivery
228. When your hotel is packed with conventioneers
229. People who call it "the powder room"
230. Losing the hot water in the middle of a shower
231. Getting used to the ring/buzz of your alarm clock
232. Finding a neatly folded, half-used sugar packet in a restaurant
233. The mechanical cheerfulness of ATMs
234. Squeaky shoes
235. When the coaster sticks to your glass
236. Forgetting the punch line
237. Rusty Brillo pads
238. When one piece is missing from a jigsaw puzzle
239. Muffins with scorched bottoms
240. People who refuse to learn your schedule
241. Cleaning the lint from the clothes dryer
242. Unreadable messages marked "URGENT!"
243. People who refer to celebrities by their first name
244. Chipping your favorite mug
245. Waterbugs
246. Getting the hiccups in the movie theater
247. A ten-teller bank with only one teller on duty
248. "Adult" humor on greeting cards
249. When people set off 4th of July fireworks from the 1st to the 10th
250. When the tag of your teabag drops into the hot water
251. Subscription cards that fall out of magazines
252. New moms who drag their bawling infants to the movies
253. People who sing along to the radio
254. When you have to ask for water at a restaurant
255. Painting window molding
256. The obligatory "snarl-voice" of car ad spokesmen
257. Party guests who refuse to leave
258. Typewriter/keyboard keys that stick
259. Hammering your thumb
260. The line to buy stamps at Christmas time
261. Finding your goldfish "belly-up"
262. Being the only person in costume at a Halloween party
263. Folding fitted sheets
264. People who "burn rubber"
265. When the first crisis of the day occurs before you're really awake
266. When that sweet old lady grabs your cab
267. Apartment hunting
268. Neighbors who begin to party the moment you hit the sack
269. People who grab your "love handles"
270. Hypersensitive smoke alarms
271. Dealing with the soggy food sludge left in the drain after washing the dishes
272. Airplane bathrooms
273. Having to be a good sport
274. "Return to sender - address unknown"
275. Closing the ring of a loose-leaf binder on your finger
276. Chatterbox hairdressers who need both hands to express themselves
277. People who read aloud from the newspaper and/or magazines
278. Tuneless whistlers
279. Running out of coffee filters
280. Dirty city snow
281. Dusting the knickknacks
282. People who borrow books and then return them with food smudges and folded corners
283. Having a juicy sneeze w/o a tissue
284. Discovering the hole in your pants pocket at the
END of the day
285. Ed McMahon's chuckle
286. Dogs with bad breath
287. Tube tops
288. The dog's ear-piercing yelp after its paw has been stepped on
289. Rulers with jagged edges
290. Being the last one chosen for a team
291. Getting out Christmas ornaments and finding your favorite one broken
292. Waiting for the water to boil
293. Sewing what you're mending to your pants leg
294. Dry-swallowing pills
295. Cleaning the hair from the shower drain
296. Those rubbery blankets at motels
297. Creamers with loose lids that dribble
298. Watery shaving cream
299. Drivers who don't use their blinkers
300. People who snap their fingers for a waiter's attention
301. Cleaning the cheese grater
302. Supermarket stickers on fruit
303. When wealthy people complain they don't have enough
304. Strangers who don't say "thank you" after you've held a door open for them
305. Stores and boutiques that claim to have no restrooms
306. Horseflies
307. People who take forever to get to the point
308. Traffic jams
309. Telemarketers
310. Little dogs who wear hair ribbons
311. Babies with nail polish and/or pierced ears
312. Guilt
314. Having to push a button to read your digital watch
315. Grown women who keep stuffed animals on their beds
316. "Gourmet" cat food
317. People who hand out flyers on the street
318. People who crowd through one door rather than go through the other available one
319. People who are
VERY grumpy in the morning
320. Tie-dyed clothing
321. Winter
322. Cats that knock over the Christmas tree
323. A sudden storm when you're picnicking
324. Getting only junk mail
325. The gap in the dressing room curtain that refuses to close
326. When the bag of M&Ms has mostly brown ones
327. Feeling depressed
328. Letting go of inhibitions and being told that you did so the next day
329. Marine life that bites
330. When the hinges of the stall door in a public bathroom are broken
331. Coffee stains on teeth
332. Mothers who hit their kids for crying in public
333. When your favorite jeans begin to fray
334. Dripping wax
335. Being all dressed up with no place to go
336. Accidental meetings with people you loathe
337. Gnats
338. Tootsie rolls stuck in your teeth
339. People who are rich and taken care of
340. Having to stretch to reach a parking lot ticket dispenser
341. When you can't figure out one word in the crossword puzzle
342. Displayed collections in people's homes
343. The aroma of cinnamon rolls when you're on a diet
344. Driving against the arrow in a parking lot and confronting someone who's driving the correct way
345. One-size-fits-all that doesn't fit you
346. Rain during your vacation
347. Deodorant that stains your clothes
348. Lemons and limes with hardly any juice
349. Pencil lead on your fingers
350. Cleaning a fish tank
351. Trying to look up words you don't know how to spell
352. April Fool's Day jokes that really make a fool out of you
353. Sirens in the middle of the night
354. The rat race
355. Not being able to get to sleep on the airplane
356. The increasing price of postage stamps
357. Scented cologne and perfume ads in magazines
358. Losing your first love letter
359. Lumpy oatmeal
360. Chores that you've got to do when you'd rather relax
361. Getting the giggles at a funeral
362. Losing your favorite recipe
363. The water that collects on the bottom of mugs in the dishwasher
364. No-caffeine cola
365. Candy apple gunk caught in your teeth
366. Trying to make a purchase with foreign money
367. Tangled phone cords
368. Chewing gum in your hair
369. Checkout clerks who don't know what something is when you buy it
370. A rainy evening alone
371. The aftertaste of a diet soft drink
372. Dental floss trapped in your teeth
373. People who make you listen to an entire song before you get the beep on their message machines
374. Cabs that don't show up on time
375. Scalding your tongue with the coffee
376. Morning weather reports that turn out wrong
377. Losing five pounds one week and gaining them back the next
378. Dud fireworks
379. Entrance fees
380. Hamburgers served on pita bread
381. Crumbs of toast left behind in the butter
382. Two-for-one sales where you can't find anything you want
383. When your alarm clock doesn't work
384. When your alarm clock does work
385. Troublemakers
386. Counting your blessings and finding none there
387. People who never postpone till tomorrow what can be done today
388. Burning the marshmallows beyond recognition
389. Icicles that drop on your head
390. When you don't have that one spice you absolutely need
391. Rug burns
392. When you get only bills in the mail
393. When adults say, "nighty-night"
394. Banks that don't open until 10:00 am
395. Tulips blighted by late spring frost
396. The common cold
397. Having to invite people over you don't know or care about
398. What humidity does to your hair
399. When your bra strap won't stay up
400. Hearing someone say, "I remember when Hershey bars cost 10 cents, hot dogs 50 cents, and water was free"
401. Discovering that your vacation spot doesn't look at all the way it did in the brochure
402. Rude swimmers in the lap lane
403. Smudges on your eyeglasses
404. Soap scum in the bathtub
405. When food falls through the grill into the charcoal
406. Breaking your favorite glass
407. Rancid peanuts
408. Corn silk left on corn on the cob
409. When the restaurant has no record of your reservation
410. Being seated in the smoking section when you've requested nonsmoking
411. Gas station attendants who forget about you
412. Sitting next to someone with too much perfume on
413. Leaky pens
414. Globs of ink from ball point pens
415. Losing your car keys
416. When your companion wants to talk about the movie before it's over
417. Raisin Bran without enough raisins
418. Call waiting
419. Misplacing the key to your diary
420. When the joke's on you
421. Getting an incomplete phone message
422. When the safety seal is broken
423. Remembering your diet after your second piece of pie
424. Trying on your summer clothes after a long, lazy winter
425. Trying to eat lunch on a park bench next to someone who's feeding the pigeons
426. Losing your gloves
427. Being the only public school graduate at a party full of Ivy Leaguers
428. Soap too small to hold onto in the shower
429. People who always say, "So what's
new?" or "What
else is new?"
430. Forgetting everything you ever learned
431. When your new flame says, "wow, this is déjà vu" during a tender moment
432. Those endless scar/operation/doctor conversations
433. Squeaky movie chairs
434. People who clap before the concert is over
435. Overhearing an uncomplimentary remark about yourself
436. Getting a flat tire on your way out of town for vacation
437. Low-fat pet food
438. When people ask "are you still with so-and-so?" -- and you're not
439. Losing a button
440. Getting stuck at a railroad crossing when you're in a hurry
